Salussola 1945

Salussola 1945

Sometimes when I come home Uncle Stefano’s bicycle is parked at the back of the house. Then I know not to go in because he is visiting Mummy and they are doing private things. Mummy says I don’t want to see the private things so I go back to the piazza and play there. He’s not really an uncle but Mummy says it’s nice if I call him Uncle Stefano, so I do.

I play mummies and daddies with my doll. My doll is Mummy. I don’t have a doll to be Daddy so I use my teddy bear. Daddy doesn’t really look like a bear but I don’t remember what he looks like very well so the bear is good enough. I was only little when he went away to Africa to fight the English. Now he is in Africa but a different Africa and he doesn’t fight the English any more. He is a prisoner but he is not in a prison, he works on a farm. He writes letters to Mummy but it takes them a long time to arrive because they have to go to the Red Cross first. Mummy says the English might send him home now that Italy is not fighting them any more.

Uncle Stefano’s visits to Mummy are a secret, but they are one of those secrets that everyone knows, like who really brings the presents at Christmas. Uncle Stefano parks his bicycle at the back of the house so that everyone can pretend his visits are secret. Mummy says that sometimes the best place to hide a secret thing is inside another secret. She says I will understand when I am older.

Uncle Stefano is gone when his bicycle is not there anymore. Then I can come home and Mummy takes me back to the piazza. I have a lemonade and a little sweet cake, and Mummy has coffee. The old ladies in the piazza, who all wear only black, look away when we arrive and make a clicking noise with their mouths. These noises mean that they think Mummy is not a nice lady. Because Uncle Stefano comes to visit during the afternoons. Mummy doesn’t wear black. She wears a white dress, and lipstick, and she smells nice, not like the old ladies. I wear the pretty blue dress that Mummy bought me.

The Black Brigade sit at a table in the piazza. They wear black shirts with medals, and black boots. They look at Mummy but they don’t talk to us. The Captain makes a nasty joke about bicycles and they all laugh a horrid old-man laugh. Mummy says something quietly, but loud enough for them to hear, about how strange it is that such brave fascists are drinking coffee in Italy and not fighting in Africa or in Russia.

The Captain says Mummy should be glad that he and his men are there to protect from the partisans, because the Communists don’t like whores and string them up when they can. It’s because they believe in free love, he says to his men, and whores don’t give anything away for free. Then they all laugh again.

Sometimes there are German soldiers in the piazza. They look tired and their uniforms are not smart like the Black Brigade. They are nervous and hold their guns at the ready, even in the town. The Captain and his men salute the soldiers and heil them but the soldiers do not respond or return the salutes. They smile at Mummy, though, and sometimes she smiles back.

Uncle Stefano used to be a soldier, but in another war, a long time ago. He was wounded and that’s why he walks funny. Mummy says he was very brave and could wear medals if he wanted to, but he doesn’t.

Sometimes at night other men come to visit Mummy. I am supposed to be asleep, but I hear them arrive at the back door, and I hear their low voices in the passageway. Once I crept out of my room to see them. They wear dark clothes, and they have guns like the soldiers.

Mummy gives them grappa to drink, and little packets of brown paper. I don’t know what is in the packets, but I think it might be one of the private things that Mummy does with Uncle Stefano. He brings a bag when he visits, and once I saw that it was full of brown packets like the ones Mummy gives to the men.

Mummy says that honour and shame are cousins, not enemies, and sometimes they help each other out. She says I will understand when I am older.